Reading The Signs: Is It Love or Just A Sex Relationship?

Чтение знаков, In Italy in Love, Reading The Signs, Sex or Relationship

“The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.” – Woody Allen

Relationships… Dating… Getting involved… Being afraid of getting involved… Being afraid of not getting involved enough… And, thus, to fool the person you’re dating as well as to be fooled by this person. A fear to hurt or be hurt, a fear to be in the relationship you don’t like, a fear to cheat or be cheated by, a fear to lose time…

Due to our human nature, the innate desire to establish a strong relationship with the opposite sex along with the fear to make a huge mistake are amongst the most complicated personal issues that sooner or later all people face. Moreover, this intrinsic contradiction has become more common and more evident, ever since the doubt took place over the true love. That is, to start a serious relationship Italians are considered not only with what they feel, but mostly with what they want out of life. The social position, economic situation, education, appearance, etc. all factors are included. Especially, because nowadays Italians don’t believe in fairy tale any more.

“Am I sure about my choice? What’s next? What if…?” And mostly, “Will it work?” These are the inner questions that torment us time after time and have the power to change our mood so easily. Moreover, sometimes answering them honestly can make us change direction.

You never know…

No matter whether you start dating someone being already overwhelmingly involved (fantastic!), whether you just feel a bit of sympathy whilst feeling desperately lonely, or whether you remain outrageously sceptical about the whole situation, yet sensing the butterflies in you upper stomach… The point is you never know how it is going to end. Or what is it going to be:

(a) one day you may realise that you two are not compatible with each other. So you’ll split up. End of story.

(b) otherwise, you can move in together or get married convinced to live happily ever after. Hopefully.

Yet, some Italian love stories seem to be more difficult to interpret. Because the line separating the possibility of two different kinds of relationships (love or just sex) is too subtitle. Especially, because most of the time we hope and see only what we want to see.

So, how can one know if this particular story will mutate into true love and serious relationship? Or if it’s just sex attractiveness with no strings attached and no future afterwards?

Let’s try to understand the “nature” of Italian relationships through reading the signs.

Reading the signs

If he never phones…

…or better, he phones or texts only to fix an appointment. That’s why he’s not really interested. Maybe he likes you; maybe he loves to make sex with you. But the point is, if he doesn’t have the urge to simply know “how are you?” several times a day, to text you “good morning” and “good night” he’s not that into you. And, of course, he’s not nearly thinking to establish a long-lasting relationship with you.

If he chooses a football match over you…

Sorry, sweet heart, but once again he is not that into you. You see, the thing about Italian men is that when they are in love, they have no limits since all they want is you. Simple!

If you are dating an Italian guy for a few months, and yet you haven’t met a single member of his family…

Definitely, he’s not planning to make of you his girlfriend. With major probability, he might just enjoy his time with you. And meanwhile, looking for someone else.

If your Italian boyfriend asks you to split the bill at the restaurant or to pay a half of your first vacations together…

You say, he may be really poor. I say, in this case an Italian man would prepare a dinner or invite you to eat pizza. In other words, he would invent something he can afford. The point is, if really likes and respects you, if he wants you to be his life partner, he will never make you feel uncomfortable and will try to act as a gentleman.

Second, if he is not that poor, and yet wants you to pay for yourself, that is because he sees you as a mate (sex mate, soul mate, whatever). Literally this means you are not a part of him and never will be.

Yet, making plans together signifies that you two are already establishing a relationship that can be long lasting, solid and secure. If you are ok with formula 1+1=2, and not 1+1=1.

If he never, or almost never, stays for a night at your places…

Mhm… When Italian man is really in love, he will never lose such an occasion, no matter what difficulties he might have. Again, when Italian man is in love no limits or boundaries exist.

If he says that you can use his toothbrush in case you don’t have yours…

Definitely, he likes you a lot, and he can share with you whatever intimate secret. But probably, it’s just extreme and complete sex compatibility. The relationship actually starts when he buys you a toothbrush to keep at his place and in your bathroom “exists” his…

If he gives you a keys of his place…

Do I need to comment? He loves and wants you in his home and in his life. Means you are the part of his life!

All or Nothing

Have you heard the summer hit “All or Nothing” (by Lost Frequencies Feat. Axel Ehnström)? While listening to it, I suddenly realised that these words are exactly the key to solve all possible doubts regarding love matters. In other words, to understand whether or not an Italian man is in love and wants to have a serious relationship is enough to think in terms of “all or nothing”. Sounds drastic and melodramatic? You want to give him time and see what will happen next? Well, that, Ladies, is up to you to decide!


real, people, girl, love, sex

 Honestly, I would love to be contradicted by some of the Italian men…


This post is also available in: ruРусский (Russian) itItaliano (Italian)

5 thoughts on “Reading The Signs: Is It Love or Just A Sex Relationship?

  1. Hi I have meet an Italian man, when we first meet he gave me flowers and I was shocked and didn’t expect, at the end of the night we spend together but when suddenly being to each other for 2weeks now he’ll be texting me that he wanted to be alone and then after that another day pass by and he invited me for dinner suddenly I didn’t sleep with him that time after he texted me he wanted to be alone again and he says that he’s a strange man. So you think sex is the only thing, do you think he doesn’t love me??? He gave me money for the2nd time we meet but I didn’t ask him that he offers me..

    1. Dear April,
      the behavior of “your” Italian man is as strange as typical. The thing about most Italian men is that they love their freedom more that anything else. And, sadly most of the time Italian men do not know exactly what do they actually want from life for what regards love relationships. It’s complicated for them. This doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings, but they are kind of afraid to let themselves go, feel and fall in love completely.
      The fact that “your” men told you that “he’s a strange man” confirms that he hasn’t made he’s mind yet. Translate it as “I don’t know yet if I want to have a stable relationship with you”. He definitely likes you (flowers, dinners, passion, even the money he gave you – it all proves that he cares), but to what extent??? However, I wouldn’t use the term “love” yet: he doesn’t seem ready for such a great sentimental exposure right now. If you’ve fallen in love with him, be patient and see what will happen next. Good luck.
      Hope I could help. For any further doubts, questions or whatever, just write me back without hesitation.
      Sincerely yours,

  2. I’m in relationship with italian man more than 1 and half year but it is very complicated because he have family,he never give me flowers,expensive gift etc.,but he get along with my friends,he oftenly bring me eat in restaurant most of the time we eat in his house,we go around also,but i dont understand if he love me or not,sometimes he is so sweet to me like im her princess,when his angry he put on to me,after we meet he will not message me for all day,but sometimes if he want to see me even late at night or wherever i am he will come to my place,sometimes he act that i am nothing to him,but if itold him i give up him and don’t talk him he will make a way to get me back to him.i know our relationship is complicated and understand but i am confused if he also love me or its a sex only

    1. Dear Isa,
      your boyfriend acts just as many Italian men do when they are not sure what do they want from life. Let’s look at the details: first of all, your relationship lasts for a long time already – so it’s a good sign. Second, every time you try to break up with him he makes you change your mind – that’s a good thing too, means he cares and doesn’t want to loose you. Third, he catches up with your friends – it’s very positive! As for flowers and expensive gifts – nowadays, Italian men hardly do that: it’s like they don’t think it’s necessary or even find it’s old-fashioned. On the other hand, maybe he just can’t afford himself to make expensive gifts and take you out to the restaurant often…or maybe he just prefers to stay with you all by yourselves in the quite romantic way. If you love him, try to see the positive side of your relationship and enjoy your time together.
      If instead you feel unsatisfied with your relationship, maybe you really should find courage to split up and move on. Trust me, if something unpleases you it’s better to let it go. Because next thing you do when you close the door – is open the window. Remember, you are the protagonist of your life: not your Italian boyfriend or any other man on this Planet. You decide what do you want from life, and whether certain type of relationship can suit you or not. If the answer is “yes” – than be patient, and wait to see what will happen next. If the answer is “no” and you are tired to waste your time for what appears to you as senseless relationship, move on.
      Whatever decision you take, I really hope you’ll be happy!

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